This weekend my partner and I spent some of our time rearranging furniture. Specifically, setting up a few new book shelves, moving stuff around so that there is more light, less clutter and it feels homey-er.

This means I got to spend time reorganizing my books which is the best. If you want to connect about books please email or message on instagram anytime.

This rearranging made me think about how much I loved doing that as a kid, and how I have always had an affinity for collecting keepsakes like little fragments of a memory I could hold on to.

Growing up, my house did not feel like a home, and these practices were like little rituals, doing what I could to make my little bit of space my own home. The little keepsakes reminders of good times I knew I might forget. (living through trauma effects memory)

All of this reminded me how I also didn't feel at home in my body, not until a handful of years ago.

I spent the majority-literally decades-of my life hating my body, fearing it being seen, trying to hide it away and take up less space. I passed up on letting myself be seen dancing, and making silly faces, on eating delicious foods, and spent all my time willing myself almost out of existence.

Taking up space felt dangerous, and my body sure as hell didn't feel like home.

Now, as a thirty something year old lady (not trying to be mysterious, just can't remember how old I am right now haha-maybe time for more coffee..) I'm finally making little changes to have a whole apartment that feels like home. I've had to work on letting go of some of the keepsakes, and keeping only the most important ones. Learn what things I like, and that it's okay to buy things for me when I can. It's been a practice of letting go, and learning to be present and really lean into safety and fun. No more wasting time on people who don't feel safe, or don't respect me or my safety.

This practice has also translated to my relationship with my body. Stepping out of eating disorders has meant giving up control, and learning to be present again. Slowly learning what it's like to think about things other than food, and my body 24/7. I threw out the mementos consisting of clothes that were too small, and other shit. As I let go of control, I started learning to trust my body, both with food, and with movement. No longer using movement to punish, earn food or express my hatred for myself. Now movement was an act of love, an act of trust, a tool and a way to connect with myself and others. No more wasting time on diet culturey, body shaming stuff that makes me feel unsafe.

I deserve to feel at home in my space, in my life AND in my body. I deserve to dance, be seen, be silly, eat delicious food, have a cool space, and make as memories as I can. No hate, abuse or toxicity in sight.
So do you.

I didn't get where I am magically. I didn't wake up cured one day, I had a lot of support. I know that each step on this road is fucking tricky, it's a whole lot of trust and practice. Even if you've done through that road, finding and trusting a new place to move your body is hard too! We will often find so many other things to do rather than movement, or so many reasons to wait until tomorrow. (this is different from ED stuff, and I am not meaning to shame anyone into moving. I will avoid doing movement sometimes even though I know it's what I need most)

That's why I set up an option to book a free 15 minute consultation. We can use this time to get to know each other, to talk about all your hesitations, worries and questions. We can take the first step to a freedom, silly, or non-hatey movement practice together.
*book before the end of February to get 20% off your next Club membership, or private class purchase! *new clients only*

Things to check out:

-I filmed a Tiktok on Friday going over a brief history of BMI
-I filmed a Reel today with some stretches for back pain

Forward this email to your friends who may need to hear this too!

All the best,

Billie